A Perfect 3-Day Yucatan Adventure

Folks, you don't need to sail a boat to have an excellent vacation in Mexico. I've found what might be The Most Perfect Short Trip Possible. You could for example leave Chicago after work on Thursday, land in Cancun, spend Friday-Saturday-Sunday on this tour I'm about to share with you, return to Chicago Sunday night and be back at work on Monday morning – red-eyed but full of renewed life energy and using valuable office computer time searching for Yucatan real estate. Hey, the Mayan Apocalypse is supposed to happen next December, so there should be some real bargains, right?

Here's what we did. Note: the highways for this entire trip are in excellent condition*, and well-signed for Mexicans and gringos alike. Even in the towns you will pass through on this tour, the street signs are well marked and the roads in and out of smaller towns are almost always lined with whitewashed boulders, a nod to the ancient Mayan white-limestone sacbes that ran from one temple complex to the other. The 3 Mexican states that comprise the Yucatan peninsula (Quintana Roo, Yucatan and Campeche, for you geography nuts) are all extremely friendly to tourists Just Like You.

[*At least, as of April 2011 when we did this trip. Subsequent hurricanes and other events, whether natural or human-caused, may alter your own experience.]

Just to be on the safe side, ask a friendly Car Rental Guy or tour guide for a nice map of the Yucatan peninsula that identifies towns and the main highway. You only need a tour-style brochure type map – the destinations on this little trip are that easy. It would also be nice if you had a copy of Coe's guide book, "Archaeolgical Mexico," but that's not essential unless you're an Antiquities Dweeb like we both are. OK – back to the tour:

Day 1: We rented a car in Puerto Morelos. (Could also be done in Cancun or Cozumel.) Wherever you start from, get on the road by 0830. Drive south along the coast from Cancun & Puerto Morelos toward Tulum. Bypass Tulum – ruins are considered archaeologically insignificant, the location is a schlep from where they've relocated the parking lot, and the place is A Giant Tourist Trap. Bah. Instead, once having reached Tulum town, follow highway signs that will lead you to turn right (north) to Valladolid.

Along the road from Tulum to Valladolid, you will see an exit for the archaeological ruins of Cobá. Take it. Spend 2 hours touring. See the beehive-shaped pyramid, and Nohoch-Mul, the tallest structure in the northern Yucatan (that's it, on the right. You need to hang on to a rope to climb up all the way – and remember, you're climibing in 90+F heat with 90% humidity. Best of luck to you). See the other ruins in the complex. Marvel at the sacbe (ancient Mayan footpath originally paved in crushed white limestone) that still runs from here all the way to Chichén Itzá. Get back on the road. You'll be in Valladolid by mid-afternoon. Tour Valladolid's town center. We stayed at Hotel Colonial La Aurora and soaked in their pool; then waddled a mere 4 blocks to dine well at El Meson del Marques on the plaza. Recommended: ignore the first Trip Advisor review about the guacamole and the nachos – those people are utter rubes and shouldn't be allowed to travel any further than Dallas or Phoenix. Instead, stick to the Yucatan specialties on the menu, and save room for their homemade coconut ice cream for dessert. Was every meal good?  We never ate dinner anywhere else.

Day 2: Drive westerly from Valladolid at about 0730 to the major world-class tourist trap of Chichén Itzá. Pay large $$$ to get in, fight your way past all the vendors who are allowed to sell their wares on the site of the ruins, and see the ruins – from afar. For several years now tourists have not been allowed to climb the ruins or touch the ruins or breathe on the ruins. So, all those photos you see in all the brochures, taken from the tops of the pyramids, with all the sacrifical altars everywhere? Yeah, sucks to be you – the photos are not recent, the altars have all been removed to museums (ask me where!), and you can't climb the pyramids because they're all roped off with yellow police tape. Try taking cool tourist pics around THAT. All you can get, are pics of the most-photographed ruin, El Castillo, as seen from the ground; the stone serpent heads at its base, close-ups of some graphically violent carvings, and variations thereof. Observe on the left: we have what looks like a warrior in a feathered headdress, holding in his left hand the head of a vanquished foe. However, archaeologists translated the accompanying hieroglyphics as, "Jorge was happy with how his party costume turned out, but he didn't know the proper etiquette for presenting a severed head as a hostess gift."

It's still important for everyone who visits this part of Mexico, to see Chichén Itzá for 2 reasons: (1) it's so hyped, it's almost a Bucket List type of tourist destination; and (2) seeing what Chichén Itzá has become, will give you perspective on – and respect for – the other awesome sites you will see on this whirlwind tour of the Yucatan.

So. After about 2 hours or as much as the day's heat allows, you leave Chichén Itzá and head back easterly toward Valladolid along the same highway you came out on. See the turnoff for Balancanche Cave? Take it – it's just a 1-1/2 hour tour of a hot, stuffy cave that few tourists visit – because Chichén Itzá has wrung them out. The Mayans visited Balancanche up to the middle 20th Century to make offerings to the underworld gods. The quick tour (tip your guide!) takes you through a cavern system of stalactites, stalagmites, and eventually to — the base of a stalactite column resembling a ceiba tree, beneath which burnt offerings were made in ceramic containers depicting various gods. Look at what the researchers found in the back part of Balancanche: awesome.

Thus ends Day 2 – the heat will have gotten to you. Drink lots of water, chillax by the hotel pool, dine again at El Meson, and call it an early night.

Day 3: Drive north from Valladolid, following the signs and your rudimentary tourist map to the ruins at Ek-Balam. It's all straightforward driving. As of April 2011 you were still allowed to climb on the Ek-Balam ruins, and you'll be happy for the opportunity. (For as long as that lasts.) For in the upper portions of Ek-Balam's Palace there is one of the few remaining intact stucco walls of any Mayan pyramid– and this one's extensive. Check it out in that pic on the right – that stucco, BTW, is about 1-3/4" thick. This place is so cool.

But not you – you're hot. Very hot. You're glad you brought a hat and some water but it's time to get some relief. Back in the rental car you go, to Valladolid and the now-familiar highway leading to Chichén Itzá. This time, you only go about 3 miles outside the Valladolid city limits, and turn left at the sign pointing you to the cenote of Dzitnup.

A cenote is a limestone cavern with a collapsed roof, which creates a sort of cave with a skylight. Cenotes often contain cool, fresh water suitable for swimming – or in some cases, for SCUBA diving. The Yucatan Peninsula has hundreds of cenotes, many open to the public. Dzitnup is a popular swimming hole for local and foreign tourists – so popular that it sports changing rooms, paved walkways, handrails and an underwater light show. Do not be deterred, though: the Dzitnup cenote is big enough to handle a crowd and you will find yourself doing the backstroke while looking up at stalactites. It's different from your local YMCA.

Day 3 is drawing to a close. It's back on the highway to wherever you started from to drop off your rental car and fly home; or if you can, spend a final night in Valladolid for another excellent dinner, and so to bed. Return your rental car tomorrow.

And that is how to have a whirlwind tour of the Yucatan.

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